Satire: The Birther-in-(Wannabe)Chief – Trump’s Most Uninformed Statements

The most recent Republican debate highlighted one of Trump’s biggest problems as a candidate: he’s uninformed. When asked a question about the TPP, Trump proceeded to slam China’s currency manipulation and other issues with China’s international economic policy. After concluding his point, Rand pointed out that China was not a member of the TPP. For what seemed to be the first time ever, Trump curled into the proverbial fetal position, and stayed mum. It was so bad that even his hair tried to escape.

Trump’s inability to answer an ostensibly simple question about the TPP had us wondering: what else does Trump not know? After some thorough research, Stupidparty Math v. Myth discovered some other glaring ignorant Trump moments.

1. During a meeting with John Boehner, Trump told Boehner that his frightening orange hue was definitely a result of drinking too much Orange Kist and Stoli.

2. Pressed by a reporter on how a bill is passed in Congress, Trump quickly pulled out his iPhone 6 and played the School House Rock video “I’m Just a Bill.” The reporter than pressed him on procedure. Infuriated, Trump blurted “why do I have to explain to you how a bill passes through Congress? The video makes it clear: a living piece of paper named Bill who sings like Barry White is responsible for passing all legislation. Duh.”

3. On the campaign trail, Trump was asked about his approach to combatting infectious diseases such as Ebola: “Ebola? Come on. You know how you beat Ebola? With success and strength. When I’m president, I’m going to walk up to Ebola and tell it to get lost. If Ebola doesn’t listen, I will lift up my $5000 Gucci shoes and squish it like a bug. In fact…that should be my campaign slogan: ‘Trump 2016: Squishing America’s Problems like a Bug.’ Damn I’m brilliant.”

4. During an appearance on the Today Show, Matt Lauer asked Trump about whether or not he believed in Climate Change. Trump simply smirked, and said the following: “Look. If you didn’t know already, I’m the boss of the universe. Let me ask you a question – do you know an old, white Deity that floats around in the sky? That guy works for me. You know how? I bought up his stocks in Christianity. That’s how great businessmen work. After the buyout, I told God he must eliminate all carbon emissions as soon as he starts working as part of my administration. So yes, answering your question – is the climate changing as a result of human activity? Possibly. But you can be assured I’m going to have an amazing team that can solve this issue on day one. Come on! How can you not win with God in your cabinet?”

5. In a radio interview on XM, Trump was asked about his solution to gun violence: “What we need is for every citizen to be armed. I’m talking moms and dads; grandmas and grandpas; single men and women; teenagers; toddlers; infants; and yes, even fetuses. Everyone needs to be armed. As a matter of fact, every living thing within the United States should be permitted to purchase a firearm. You know what would be HUUUUGE? Extending Second Amendment rights to animals. If a duck-billed platypus wants to own a Desert Eagle .50, then it should be able to buy it. If evil sharks want to purchase laser beams that they can attach to their frickin’ heads – so be it! If every living being is armed, shootings will cease. The more guns, the more safety. Just look at Nazi Germany! If the Jews had weapons, then Nazi forces would have simply left them alone. We need smart people like me. I’m Hawking smart, minus the wheelchair and 1980s prototypical computer voice. Actually, I’m sharper – I can literally see black holes. ”

Donald Trump is fast replacing Sarah Palin as the Stupidest of the Stupidparty.